Vice Versa

After I got this one bitch slap .

I started to remember .

Who i was back then .
What i really like .
My attitude and stuff .

My first year wasn't really pleasant since i got this fucked up housemate .

Cultural shock .

Staying out late .
Hang out with guys .
Karaoke and stuff .

Drinking .

Things that i couldn't do when I've stuck with my mom .

I get to explore new kind of life .
A whole new world .
And i like it .

Not so long i started to realise .
This teenage life wasn't so beautiful after all .

My so called group of bbf started to fall apart .
And I've decided to back off .

Since then ,
Its me , lappy and headphones .
I'm talking about serious number of headphones .

My favourite ??
The one with killer bass sound .

Day after day
I've becoming a depress and non social girl and somehow my attitude had annoyed my classmates .

My silences
My so weird attitude of hating being friend with everyone
doesn't stop
my so called bitch friend Neeshajeet Kaur
To terrorize my life with her asshole mouth .
Telling lies after lies .
She never stop .
Badmouthing me until our very last semester .
Where i went crazy and run amuk after knowing the truth that
she's behind all those asshole stories .
Stories how terrible person i am .
Shit.

Semester 6 are my most enjoyable semester .
Classmates started to talk to me after they knew how asshole Neesha is .

Table turned for me and for her .

Having TingTing , Mimi , and Paie
Teach me alot .

I learned to see things from different prospective .
Learned that life are too valuable too beautiful to be wasted off .

I started to smile .
To laugh .

And I've being appointed as one of twelve mentor in class due to my excellent gpa .
And guess who my mentee was??
Its my old bff Ayu and Neesha for God sake haha

A perfect revenged .

But i wasn't that cruel .
I've been trying to help her but she refused and making our classmates hate her more and more .
They even discarding her from any event after they find out she been fucking with her bestfriend Jay .

I managed to mentor Ayu well enough since her grades started to increase .
Especially in cardiac stuff .

When LJM date is finally sets .

My room has turned to study room for me my mentee and Paie .
One of most beautiful memory i ever had .

How glad i am .
To had this wonderful chance to explore world outside Kelantan .

To become someone not as typical as Kelantanese people .
Narrow minded and attitude problem .

Oh God .
I miss all those moment .
I miss the girl i used to be .

The girl that free and happy .

The girl I've once become .

Can't Find Suitable Name

Its two years back .
And i was in semester two .

Living alone in my small room .

I don't have any so called
room mate .

Just me and my lappy .

Oh God
I remember this one time .

The next morning ada test .
And the lect?
Damm! Yang paling garang dalam kolej kami .

And guess what??
Aku lambat bangun kot!
Kau gila ke apa.

Tengok2 kat phone
Bebudak kelas dok call .

Exam pukul9 tapi aku bangun
dah dekat pukul10pagi .

Memang meroyan lah .

Mandi pun ala2 kerbau .

Nasib kelas dekat dengan asrama kalau tak memang kes niaya .

Tapi yang paling syok ,
Budak rumah aku kena marah dengan lect sebab tak sedar aku tade dalam bas haha!

Lepas dari kejadian tak diingini

Ada sorang member chinese aku ni,
Akan call aku tepat pukul6.30pagi.
Hari - hari!
Just to make sure i'm awake ^_____^

Deja Vu

It has happened again .

Damm bitch .

You are destined to be alone forever .

Pathetic loser .

I've messed up everything .

Every single thing .

No matter how different he's claiming he is .

Just like everything in my life ,
One day ,
He's gone .

And here I am
Back to rain road .
Where everything dies and dark .

" Cries In Vain "

Lord you know
I've cried a thousand tears
tonight .

But nothing seems to quench
The thirst you keep on craving .

But now I need an answer
to my prayers
and you're not there .

So why think you listen?
Listen!
Has no one told you!

Your cries are all in vain
And everyone keeps trying
To take that all away .

Has no one told you!
Your cries are all in vain
Your Cries!

Lord, I can't disguise the look inside my eyes .

The more I try to look away
The more I'm staring .

But now I need an answer
To my prayers
and you're not there .

So why I think you listen?
Listen!
Has no one told you
Your cries are all in vain .

And everyone keeps trying
To take that all away .

Has no one told you
Your cries are all in vain
Your cries
Your cries in vain

I look away!

Has no one told you
Your cries are all in vain .

And everyone keeps trying
To take that all away .

Has no one told you
Your cries are all in vain
Your cries .

Has nobody told you
When you look away .

The stories they told you still run through your veins .

Has nobody told you when you look away .

The stories they told you still run through your,
Run through your veins!

" Bullet For My Valentines "

The Last Fight

After my most recent screwed up.
Stupid mistake .
I've lost everything .

My life
My freedom
My dignity
And worst are ..
I've lost myself .

There's nothing left and i'm losing this battle . Big time .

Oh God
I really hope I've been given another chance .
Chance to relive my broken life .

This time around
There's no fucking MLMers
No bitch stuff can put me down .

I've got my freedom
Something that I've been dreaming my whole life .
But i stupidly let it slipped .
It won't happened again .

Oh you bet i'm serious .

None of my family gonna see
my bitch face . Ain't no more .
Especially in fucking Eid day .

I want to forget everything .
All the pain all my bitch cries .

There's this whole bag of plan inside my mind .

Unfortunately it only work
if i free myself from this devastated kampung of mine .
Annoying mother and asshole family .

Oh God
Help me .
Guide me .
This one last time .
One last fight .
Before i died in life that wasn't mine .

The Last Fight .

" Behind Blue Eyes "

No one knows
What it's like .

To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes .

And no one knows
What it's like to be hated
To be fated to telling only lies .

But my dreams they aren't as empty .
As my conscience seems to be .

I have hours only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free .

No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like i do, and i blame you!

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and who can show through .

No one knows what its like
To be mistreated to be defeated Behind blue eyes .

No one knows how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry I'm not telling lies

No one knows what its like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man

Behind blue eyes.

Happy Belated Hell Bitch

22 years back .

There's a baby being born .

Beautiful baby that nearly didn't had chance to see the world .

Suffocating in her mother womb of love .

Attempted murdered by her own baby cord that been keeping her alive for almost 10months .

Stuck up in ICU .
Couple of week .

No mom giving her so called moms milk .
No dad to hold her .
Nobody there's .

Just her .
Alone in cruel world .

Ever since ,
8th April meant nothing to her .

Just a date .

Pathetic date .

Reminding her that she wasn't supposed to be here .

Seeing her friends .
Celebrating theirs happily .
Literally kills her .

No one there to remember her special date .

It went on and on .

Pathetic loser .

On the bench of life .

Watching people passing by day by day .

Alone .

Facts On Anonymous Girl

We always judge something somewhat by merely looking at its cover .

We never care whether that something or somewhat are beautiful on the inside .

I've known this girl .

She's a simple girl .
Dreaming to lead a simple life with someone special .
Well,at least special for her .
In her point of view .

She have this soft vulnerable heart.
Condemned soul .

She love vast blue sky and warm red ball sunset .

She literally cry when she sees stars and beautiful moon
she called white diamond .

She like cute and small in size stuff and collects all kind of watches .

Seriously,she got bunch of watches.

Beaches, rivers
Eyes soothing scenery
Are her passion .

Give her the only thing she ever want and its where she love spending time .
Writing some poems or even write a song .

Easily forgive even if they broke her heart to million pieces .

Its her when she's alone .

Her insecurity with others has create another soul .

A broken full of hatred soul .

Insolence
Tempestuous Heinous bitch .

Its her way .

To protect herself from people that surrounded her way.

People that broke her bit by bit .
People that eating her soul .
Left nothing but hell .

God knows .
How she fight . How she stood .
Defending her broken soul .
Pieces of it at least .

She's still here .

Alone with tears on her cheek .

No one listen no one knew .
Her cry her scream .

No one sees the tears she shed when night comes by .

Waiting for pain to fade off .

Its her alone and lonely .

With her tears and her silent scream .

Forever .

Against the world .

" Dear God "

A lonely road
Crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love .

Purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me .

Can't help but wish that I was there .
Back where I'd love to be .

Oh yeah Dear God
The only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around

When I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you .
But I left her when I found her

And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again, oh no...

Once again
There's nothing here for me
On this barren road .

There's no one here
While the city sleeps
And all the shops are closed .

Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through .

Oh yeah Dear God
The only thing
I ask of you Is to hold her .

When I'm not around
When I'm much too far away .

We all need that person who can be true to you .
I left her when I found her .

And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again, oh no...

Once again
Some search
Never finding a way
Before long
they waste away .

I found you
Something told me to stay
I gave in to selfish ways .

And how I miss someone to hold When hope begins to fade...

A lonely road
Crossed another cold state line Miles away from those I love .

Purpose hard to find .

Dear God
The only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around When I'm much too far away .

We all need the person who can be true to you .
I left her when I found her

And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again, oh no...

Once again .

Slap Me Hard Bitch!

Somebody ask me to stop complaining, whining on how miserable devastated my life was.

I got a place in his tumblr.
Lucky me to be mentioned by someone in their blog.

Its not a romantic flattering post tho.

Its a mean, nasty,
Heart broken post.
Packed with lots and lots of bombs.

Truth are always pain the ass.

Its a bitch slap .
And i really need it
I've become so depressed ever since i moved in, staying with heart warming mother of mine .

I don't even know who i am now .
I just don't .
I'm trapped in this enormous blackhole .
Its killing me . Eating every piece of me that I've tried so hard to keep it.
And i'm failing badly .

Until i met him .
Accidently .
My beautiful blue moon .

In a week time
I've become so fucking attached to him.
Seriously.
He's like this UHU gam.
Stuck deep in my wounded heart.
Tho i am sure he didn't shared this freaking weird feeling of mine.

Its not love .
Definitely not .
Its something different .
Feeling that I've never encounter before .

I mean.. I..
Urgh!! Dammit..
What is it about him anyway!!
Oh God .

Seriously .
Well yeah he got the look
the attitude but those puny thing never make me felt this way before.
And those kind of stuff never ever managed to melt me heart.

Okay!
I admit ,
Beautiful stuff or person are meant to be appreciate but it was never a point to felt this and it never did.

He's like this..
Urm ..
There's no word to define .
How special he was to me .

He suffered enough .
I just don't want him to feel any pain .
I want him to be happy .
He had his part in miserable path and he deserved to see the rainbow .

I really really hope .
Sincerely hoping he'll be happy .
Found his true happiness .
Found the right girl .
His perfect other half .
Realising every amazing dreams he has .

Guess what??

Every day pass ,
I'm going to fold a star .
Star for him .
And may his dreams are no longer a dreams .

Cross my heart and hope to die .

"I Won't See You Tonight"

Cry alone
I've gone away
No more nights
No more pain .

I've gone alone
Took all my strength
I've made the change
I won't see you tonight .

Sorrow
Sank deep inside my blood
All the ones around me
I cared for and loved .

It's building up inside of me
A place so dark, so cold
I had to set me free .

Don't mourn for me
You're not the one to place the blame .

As bottles call my name
I won't see you tonight .

Sorrow sank deep inside my blood
All the ones around me
I cared for and most of all
I loved .

But I can't see myself that way Please don't forget me or cry while I'm away .

Cry alone
I've gone away
No more nights
No more pain .

I've gone alone
Took all my strength .

But I've made the change
I won't see you tonight .

So far away
I'm gone.

Please don't follow me tonight
And while I'm gone everything will be alright .

No more breath inside
Essence left my heart tonight
No more breath inside
Essence left my heart tonight .

" Warmness On The Soul"

Your hazel green tint eyes
watching every move I make .

And that feeling of doubt
it's erased .

I'll never feel alone again
with you by my side .

You're the one
and in you I confide .

And we have gone through good and bad times
But your unconditional love
was always on my mind .

You've been there
from the start for me
And your love's always
been true as can be .

I give my heart to you
I give my heart .

cause nothing can compare
in this world to you .

And we have gone
through good and bad times
But your unconditional love
was always on my mind .

You've been there
from the start for me .

And your love's always
been true as can be .

I give my heart to you
I give my heart .

cause nothing can compare
in this world to you .

I give my heart to you
I give my heart .

cause nothing can compare
in this world to you

Undefined

Oh God.
Its happening.
Its really am happening.

Shit.
I'm falling in love.
Stupid miserable love.

Why in the hell
Why did i fall for him.
Seriously??
Oh God.

Bitch.
Always fall for someone who never be mine.

Failed .

I need to try harder.

Cut deeper.

Stupid scratch won't ease my fucking pain.

I need to sinked the blade deeper.

Deeper till this whorish pain stop.

Come on bitch!
You're a motherfucker asshole!

Affection

A weak girl desperately need for love..

A lonely girl waited to end her cry..

A broken girl searching for a beam of happiness..

I just need a modest love
To feel how its like to be love
To be wanted
To be precious

But i failed..
How will a man love me.
I'm dirty. Repulsive human being.

How i ever believe someone will love me when my own mother despise me and my father refused to admit i'm his daughter.

Oh God.

I can't stand this pain.
Its eating me
Inside out..

Oh God.

Help me.
Help me to be strong enough
To accept the fact that i didn't deserve to be love
The truth that i need to lived this life alone.

Amalia.
Please realised that you're a bitch.
Please realised that everyone disgusted with you.
Please realised that you're useless.
Priceless.

I am a bitch.

Life Is A Lie, Death Is A Promise

My childhood is a mess.
Full of nasty word and abusive scars.

I never felt what love is.
Never knew how its like,
To feel the warmth of mother hug
To feel the serenity when mother kiss us.

I watched my friends
My cousins
How happy they are
To have a perfect family and to be love by parents

My life is just a piece of junk
Useless and empty.

I've been forced to sleep at stairs outside in the dark.
I've been left to die when i couldn't breath due to my fall and my chest hit a rock.

I've been beaten up with every possible means.

I learn to sleep with knife under my pillow
Trying to kill myself when i was twelve.

I swallow bunch of paracetamols
As i stumble in life

I was a useless daughter
Stupid as a monkey
Ugly as a pig.

I was the black sheep
Humiliate and bring nothing but bad luck.

As the pain become deeper
And unbearable it turn up

I started to cut my arms

Its the way for me
To punished myself for being a black sheep
For being an asshole
For being a useless daughter.

I deserved this pain
I deserved this wound
As its a symbol
For all the shamed .

The Lonely - Christina Perri

2am, where do I begin
Crying off my face again
The silent sound of loneliness
Wants to follow me to bed.

I'm a ghost of a girl
that I want to be most
I'm the shell of a girl
that I used to know well.

Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take
the place of you?

I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go
and let the lonely in
To take my heart again.

Too afraid to go inside
For the pain of one more
loveless night.

But the loneliness will stay with i'm  And hold me til I fall asleep.

I'm a ghost of a girl
that I want to be most
I'm the shell of a girl
that I used to know well.

Dancing slowly in an empty room,
Can the lonely take the place of you?

I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again.

Broken pieces of
A barely breathing story

Where there once was love
Now there's only me and the lonely.

Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you?

I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again.

The Regrets

Did you guys know,

Somewhere in past,
Few stuff happened.

And next thing we know,
We're no longer the same person we used to be .

I did something.
Something stupid.
There's nothing in this world that can me feel better.

Opened up every single thing
Ripped my heart over again.
Its deeper and even more painful than before.

I tried to forget
I tried to kill it
Pieces of memory
that suffocating me .

Oh God.
Why did i need to lived this life.
Painful and alone.
Tears and blood.

For God sake,
The urge is crawling out.
Someone had broke the cage i build.
I am not the strong girl i thought i was.

Here i am
With a silver blade in my hand.
Resisting all the urge to see the blood.

Oh God help me.
I need to see the blood.
Desperately need the blood.
To ease my pain.
To ease my wounded soul.

I can't.
I'm weak though i refuse to believe.

This pain is too painful.
This wound bleed too much.

Blood are the way.
The only road that left.
A painful path lies beneath
A serenity that ease my soul.

Against The World

It always me against the world.
Always will always be.

It always me cry and tears
It always has it always will.

It always sorrow and painful wound
As i standing cold alone and lonely.

Once said,
Happiness never last
Beauty and love will backfired
I felt it and its killing me.

The road i choose
Are the path of pain
As i walk alone waiting for sun to shine.

The life i live
Are lifeless and agony
As i wait for death
To offer his dance.

My last dance my final song
The last tears i ever shed
As i watch my broken soul
Away and far.

Midnight Sun

He's the sun
Warmth and comforting
But burned if closed enough.

He's the night
A subtle breeze in midnight
But danger lingers to kill you slowly

He's the ocean
Wide and beautifully open
But holds secret in deep black space.

He's the sunset
Amazing and mysterious

A diamond in shattered piece of glasses.
Wounded everyone who tried to touch.

He's special and never realize.

Beautiful soul I ever known..

p/s :
To you
The one been mentioned,
You are precious a world treasure.

Find you will to thrive and survive
As the world won't stop
Till your heart beat the last.
(M . I . S)

Beautiful Soul

She sat alone
Alone and at home  .

Where her screams were silent
But her mind was violent .

Her insecurity hide deep inside
And they did indeed eat her alive .

A tear rolled down her face
As her heart began to race .

She took a blade and tore her skin
Where her depressions lies deep within .

This went on days
On months and on years
Until she cried her very last tears .

She had enough
That's what she felt
The world around her was too much too tough .

And she now alone
In her happy place .

Lying in bed of death .

Unspoken Name

This is my father scar
Raised and broken skin
Just like all the stuff
Of his broken home and sins .

This is my first love scars
Fading into nothing
Fading in the course of time
Making room for whose coming .

This is that bitches scars
Reopened several times
Seen faded but memories don't Her words penetrates deep into my mind .

This is my so called friends
There are several so
They have one special scar
For everyone i know .

This is my mother scars
The deepest of them all
For her misguided mistake 
I always took the fall .

Each scar has a story
Each scar has a name
As I sitting alone
Brings me the raised pale shame .

A Broken Mirror
A Bleeding Fist
A Silver Blade
Against A Wrist

Tears Falling Down
To The Lips Untouched
She's The Girl
You'll Come To Miss .