Stumble. Again.

It has been ten months..
10 full month we've been together as a couple..

Went through series of shits before both of us finally understand each other..
Accept each other flaws and stop hurting each other..

Despite of not believing in love amd marriage..
Both of us has stayed together and still remain madly crazy in love..
And doesn't want to lose one another..

When i first met him..
I really had no idea..
That he would be so important to me someday..
So important up until i willing to endure all this pain as long as he's with me and love me and care for me..

I've met quite number of guys..
And all of them failed to make me crazily in love and make me fall hard like i fall for him..

He's special..
In every way possible..
And i don't even know how to explain to describe on why i fall for him because..
There's no reason to no to..

The way he treated me..
The way he comforted and wipe my tears..
The way he love me..
The way we share our day..

He's not just my boyfriend..
He's my bestfriend who i spend day gossiping and share ideology on life and human..
My human diary and knows me inside out..
My protector who protecting and care for me even though from afar..
My other half.. My soulmate..
He's my everything and my world revolve around him..
My sun and my gravity..

Without him..
I'm lost..
And i can feel that I'm falling down..
Back to muddy pitch black hole..
Place where we first met and place where he had saved me from..

Why is it so difficult..
For us to be together..
For me to have him forever..

Why is it so hard..
For me to hold him in my arms amd never let go..

I've never ask for anything..
I just want him..
I want him to be mine forever..

I don't wanna lose him..

Been trying to hold my tears..
To not cry each time we talk about this..
I want him to be strong and to messed up his mind is the last thing i want to do right now..
But i don't know where or to who to turn too..
To lay out everything and cry..
All this while..
Its him who i turn too each time i need shoulder to cry..
Its him who comfort me whenever I'm crying regardless how petty reason is..

He accept me for who i am and he ignored the fact on how deformed i am inside out..
Never complained though I'm  fat bitch and pain in the ass whore..

I don't even know what to do anymore..
What to think..
All that i know is I'm afraid..
Afraid of losing him..

I love him.. More than anything..
More than my own life..

I love him.