8month and counting..

It has been 8month we've been together and alhamdulillah still counting..

Throughout this 8month banyak yang berlaku..
Arguing loving missing..
Even hampir putus..
Tapi mungkin jodoh masih ada dan dia masih lagi milikku..

Banyak cabaran dan dugaan yg aku harus lalui hanya untuk terus bersama dia hingga kini..

With his endless temper..
His exs that seems never going to give up and still texting him..
Dengan dugaan masa and kerja kami yang berbeza cuti dan syif..

Sigh..nama je kerja company yang sama,
berkerja di floor yang sama..
and boleh kata hari2 terserempak..

Kenapa aku sayang dia?

Mungkin bagi mereka yang punya insan,ibu bapa dan teman yang senantiasa ada disisi dan protect mereka,
pastinya mereka tidak akan mengerti..

Tapi bagi aku..
yang tak punya apa melainkan dirinya..
yang sering terjatuh dan terluka tanpa ada yang peduli..
hanya sekadar memandang dengan senyuman yang sinis tatkala aku stumble..

Aku cukup menghargai dia..
Kerana dia yang pertama manjakan aku..
Walaupun dia jauh..
Walaupun kami tidak pernah bersua..
Tapi dia sedaya upaya cuba menyayangi,
melindungi dan manjakan aku..

Dia juga menerima segala baik dan buruk aku..kelebihan dan keburukkan aku..

Bersabar dengan tiap kerenah ku..

Aku..tak termampu..
Untuk menyatakan..menyusun apa yang ku rasa menjadi sebuah coretan indah..

Betapa hidup aku berseri saat dia hadir..
Betapa..sigh...
Apa yang pasti..
Dia segalanya padaku..
Dunia aku berpaksi pada dia..

Teman kala aku kesedihan..
Kawan tika aku memerlukan bahu untuk menangis...
Kekasih yang sempurna menyayangi dan mencintaiku..
Sahabat untuk bergosip dan mengumpat huhu..
Abang yang melindungi dan menjaga aku..
Dan insan yang membimbing aku dan sentiasa memgang tanganku tatkala aku jatuh dan terluka..
Penawar duka aku..

Dialah racun dialah penawar..

Aku..
Sebetulnya tak sanggup untuk lalui episod itu..
Episod dimana dia hilang semerta dari sisiku..
Saat dimana aku rasa duniaku tidak lagi secerah seindah dulu.
Sepi sesepinya..

Semoga..
Cinta ini berpanjangan..
Berkekalan..

My Used To Be Happy Place

Its been a while..
Since i last visited this blog of mine..
Place where i used to feel happy and free..
But not now i guess..
I've gotten myself few ssilent reader who secretly read my post and criticised me on whatever path i choose in life..

Sigh..

Well.. I know that my life aren't as perfect as yours..

And i was not been equipped with agama as perfectly as you..

I know i stumble a lot and constantly choose the wrong path in life which then lead me to this agonizing chapter..

I know perhaps it look silly..
Stupid..
But then,people do have their own way to at least try to erased the pain away..

Sigh..

I don't know what the heck is I'm talking..
Thing is, just wanna say that this blog aren't the place where i can simply rant on like i used to..
There's people watching..
And waiting for me to do something stupid and criticised me..

Its not save because this blog used to be the only place where i can freely be myself and not thinking bout others perception towards me..

Sigh..

Is it true there's people stalking or..
It just me too paranoid..

You Choose To Fight Alone

its hard at first.
to digest all those information.
information on your past that i never know before.
one that you've been hiding from me.

i never understand the fight that you've been talking about.
never knew the silent screams that you've been mentioning about.
and now i know.. i understand how pain you are in..
and i truly sorry for all the pain that I've been causing you this several month..

i want to know more..
to understand you better..
for at least i could stop hurting you with my word my act since i couldn't understand..

abang..
i'll never going to leave you..
coz you never bailed and left me whenever i been such a pain in the ass..
i love you for who you are..
i never in love with the perfect person you've been parading in front of me all this while..

your laugh.. your smile..

i could see tears behind it..
i could feels sorrow inside it..

i love you abang.. and always will..