tied tongue

its Friday. finally.
been waiting to talk to him.

but then, sometimes,
they are certain thing that its better to remain untold.

maybe its the best for us when he fall asleep during our conversation last night..

because.. i'm crying..

sigh..

he's special you know..
one in a million.. trillion??

why?

he got this great personality.
realistic kinda guy.
never bail though i keep pushing him away..
terrific command in English.
smart (guy with brain not some asshole with shit ass mindset).
understanding.
protective! (so fucking turned on!!)
and yes..
good looking and tall is a bonus indeed..

ever since our first conversation,
I've been waiting for him to call me.

i just love talking to him.
to hear his laugh and rant.
to listen how he perceive life and how naive he is when come to certain thing in life..

keep hearing this subtle voice in my heart,
"awwwhhh.. i got myself a really adorable boyfriend.. *melting* "

and i cry because..
someday..
i wouldn't be able to hear it anymore..

we've been texting this evening.
i know and he's right.

i'm getting worse.

my hair has started to fall.
i can't see clearly with my left eye and my hands tremble..
there's time i couldn't even hold my mugs properly and it slipped..

sigh..

my baby changed.
become manja.
and it scares me for i know that cats could sense our death..

is my time is finally here?

is it time for me to leave him?

will he meet someone and fall in love and live life happily like i always want him to be?

sigh..

I've been wanting..
to hold him..
or to at least see his smile..
certainly not through phone..

i guess it ain't going to happen..

i hope.. he'll stay strong..
regardless what going to happen in near future..

and i hope..
he wouldn't forget me when i'm gone.. and cherished all the time that we spend together..

honey..
there's so many thing i want to tell you.. bout how i felt..
bout our love..
how much i adore and respect you..
but i couldn't find right word and create a perfect sentence to expressed it..

you're my life too dear..
and you'll always be..

i love you T.