explaination for your accusation

umra's .

i tried to be nice to them.
ask them nicely to teach me how work actually been done there .
tapi diorang buat tak tahu and buat muka tapi lia diamkan.

lia still tegur diorang and minta diorang ajarkan tapi diorang perli.
mengata how stupid i am for not knowing anything .
and the doctors maki lia sebab lia diam masa pass report.
tak tanya apa function ubat yang staffnurse malam sebut.
lia tak tanya sebab lia tahu function ubat tu.

and lia resign sebab lia tak nak aniaya orang.
kerja kat situ tak ikut etika abang.
kongsi syringe yang i know akan lead to infection.
buat prosedur tapi tak ikut guidelines yang ditetapkan to prevent cross infection.

in nursing,
skills are the most important.
essential for a nurse.
and if i keep on working there with those kind off work etiquette,
i will lose my skills and i can't survive at any other hospital.

burger king shah alam .

i love working there .
enjoy . in fact tak terniat pun nak resign or anything .
lia kerja macam orang gila.
masuk pukul6pagi and balik pukul10 9malam hari2.
abang pun tahu.

and lia tak pernah ponteng kecuali time lia sakit. demam.

intan. manager dajalkan lia sebab i ask bout my overtime.
macam mana nak request payment tu.
dia bengang and berpakat dengan manager lain untuk tak hantar personal file lia and end up gaji lia kena tahan sampai sekarang.

lia kena buang sebab intan accidentally mengaku yang dia main duit.
sehari lepas dia mengaku, lia kena terminate.

salah lia juga ke abang?

demi Allah abang..
sepanjang lia kerja kt burger king, lia tak pernah menjawab tak pernah fight back no matter how asshole they are to me.
coz i love working there.

abang tak pernah pun jumpa lia depan2..
tapi sanggup abang buat speculation macam ni kan ..

sakit macam mana sekalipun abang..
lia tetap senyum.
you can go and ask my friend.
they never know who i really am.
all they know. lia gila2. suka senyum.

they even said,
bertuah jadi kau kan amalia..
tersenyum je.. happy je.. hidup tak ada masalah ..

tapi hakikatnya?

ya Allah ..
kenapalah abang buat lia macam ni ..
kenapa sanggup cakap lia sampaimacam tu sekali ..
lia tak sangka abang..
tak sangka.. yang selama ni, tu pandangan abang pada lia ..
abang tak tahu cerita sebenar tapi abang sanggup kata lia sampai macam ni sekali ...
kenapa abang..

abang tahu segalanya pasal hidup lia ..
lia ingatkan abang faham..
tapi rupanya.. dalam diam abang judge and buat spekulasi sendiri ..

you're not making me feel any better abang ..

kenapa abang makin kejam ..

makin berani pijak.. sakitkan lia ..

sampai hati abang ..

i ask you to come and meet me tapi abang refuse.
and now you're making this accusation without even bother to get to know me first.

i'm that girl abang.
girl who hide her pain and tears behind fake smile.
girl who laugh whenever she wanted to cry.
girl who will still dance upon broken pieces of glass though she bleed.

how could you abang ...

i know.. i realize ..

i'm not good enough for you ..

i'm just an ordinary girl.
jobless. with ugly face. torn up life.

who am i to compared to you.

a guy. a perfect guy.
with a perfect job.

i wish i hadn't fall for you..
i wish i hadn't told you everything that happened to me..

coz you..
just like everybody else..
you see.. you listen.. you know..
but you didn't understand..

lia tahu ..
orang lain pun ada kisah silam yang pahit..
and lia tak pernah cakap pun hidup lia paling teruk kalau compare dengan orang lain.

life is a test.
but everyone got their own paper.
different sets of question to answer.

lia tak pernah merungut.

kenapa abang perlu jadi macam mak lia?

yang melihat tapi buta..
yang mendengar tapi tak memahami..

my mum said that i the most dumb kid she ever known..
said that lia bebankan dia..
and cakap lia ni hodoh macam monyet sampai dia malu nak bawa lia jumpa kawan2 dia..

and last night..
you prove to me.
that i am stupid and dumb.
that i am a burdened to others.

the worst.. abang sanggup samakan lia dengan bohsia..

how could you..

abang cuma kenal lia through text and call.
and sepanjang setengah tahun kita couple,
abang tak pernah kenal lia depan2..
sampai hati abang..

maybe she was right after all.
i am a bitch. a stupid and dumb girl.
who burdened others.

thanks..
coz sedarkan lia..
how pathetic i am..
a loser.

terima kasih abang..
in shaa Allah.. lia akan ingat kata2 abang sampai lia mati..