Deep Inside

oh god..
i can't sum up the word in single line to describe what i feel at this moment.

i..
i.. just miss to have someone..
to hold..
saying all those stupid stuff,
argued but still madly in love with each other.
to kiss and hijacking his shoulder and his back whenever and wherever i want to..
to share everything,
every moment but still didn't suffocate each other.
to have the pleasure of having him in my arm..
someone that belong to me,
all alone.. =___="

love and affection
that last till death do us apart.

do i need to be like other girl?
hypocrite and bitchy.
so I'll have a chance,
chance to be love by someone once again.
because guys can't seem to stand me.
my attitude.
harsh and stubborn.
if i need that change,
how am i going to learn,
to be graceful and soft spoken person?
to bow down whenever people stomp on my face my pride.
to be a decent girl and smile whenever people criticise.
the perfect girl,
that been dreamed by guys night and day.

what make things worst..
i'm at war.
with my own fragile heart.
am losing my heart to darken crack they called love..

oh god..
help me..
numb my heart till i can't feel.
for this love will kill me if i fall for him..
we had a promise and i need,
desperately to kept that.
a promise that bind us together in best friend world.
a promise, a confirmation that you'll always here,by my side.
for i couldn't bear to lose you
to see you walk away and leave me with this broken word..

i do say
i won't but deep inside,
the affection is eating me alive.
tied my vessel with your smile your name.
your my laughter and my joy.
the reason i smile and cry at the same time..

oh god,
i need your help.
hold me and never let me go.
because if you did,
I'll be running across the field till i have him in my arms..
save me from this war
war that i knew i couldn't win.
I'll burn perished.
oh god..
help me..
please help me..