Self Killing Feeling

i am fucked up.

had this one idiot habit.

habit that literally kill me.

being possessive.

i am greed.
for wanting him or her
or anything for myself.

sharing is caring are bullshit term that people create to sooth their fucking broken feeling.

i can't stand the idea of me sharing my loved one,
my precious stuff with people.

well,
last night were the worst night.
manage to get my heart
three brand new scars.
one from my asshole mother.
one from a friend.
and another one..
well
why don't we just let it be a secret.

my mum as usual,
not worthy to spend my time writing bout it.

last night were someone birthday.
best friend to a friend of mine.
he told me,
that he's chatting with her and me at the same time.

again.
i'm a possessive bitch.
so it kinda hurt for me to SHARE.
told him that she deserve him alone instead of sharing him with me for last night were her special night.

that's not the real reason.
i hate sharing.
hate it with a thousand sun.
i can't told him this stupid feeling of mine.
he'll be pissed off since this kind of act suffocate him.
so i create a reasonable reason to save my worn out heart from bleeding to death . again .
and at the same time,
didn't suffocate him with this lunatic behavior.

*sigh..

the third scar are the most painful one.
the deepest among the deepest.
unforgettable .
tormenting moment and stays for a lifetime.
filled with venomous venom that literally paralyzing my fragile heart.

and for this unbearable devastated dreadful painful scar,
I've made a vow.
a promise that will save my heart from beating its last beat.

and for this scar,
I've create a mask out of blood and tears.
thickest among thickest.
thickest mask i ever put on.

closing every tender door that I've stupidly opened for someone.

burning every last pieces of this so called love.
an untold full of denial love.

shutting and burying everything so that i wouldn't get hurt. again .
and saving
my precious fragile full of scars heart.

been so reckless and careless.
let my guard down and
accidentally crack my previous mask.
and I've suffered it consequences.
dreadful one.
creating a permanent deep and painful scar.

this mask.
so called tough bitch mask.
are staying for good.

cross my heart and hope to die.